Please press play:
This is an oldie but a goodie.
This is a real vm message (transcribed word for word) that I received on January 1, 2011. And this is not a collection of voicemails, this is a single message left on my phone. I was Swinger’d**, if you’ve seen the movie …you will understand. I suggest on your break or lunch to find a place to read this out loud or if easier, find someone you can read it too. It is exponentially more hilarious and ridiculous when you don’t read it in your head. TRUST ME and enjoy!!!
“Hi Arianne – it’s Jesse calling. How are you? We met at the thing last night. Happy New Year. I hope you’re well. I hope you slept off the intense hangover from all the Jack Daniels *snickers* Um…anyway, it was really nice meeting. I really liked you. I thought you were really neat. You were definitely the saving grace of the party. When you left it was so boring. Man. everybody left – not just me. Everybody did after you left. Look at that, you killed the party…heh heh heh. Anyway, it was really nice meeting you and really hope we do get together for coffee or something. Now I thought that if you were really feeling adventurous we could have lunch. Wouldn’t that be neat? You know, I don’t want to freak you out on a first date so coffee’s ok. Anyway, I would really like to talk to you so I hope you call me back. Um….I….actually remember most of our conversation believe it or not, I really was actually not that drunk. I just was really just spilling my drink on you out of clumsiness. But uh…anyway, I would really like to learn more and uh, give you a chance to know more about me and see if you think I’m cool. And if you don’t wear five-inch heels, you’ll have a better shot *snicker* cuz I can’t wear five-inch heels and get away with it. Anyway, I should leave you my phone number shouldn’t I? I have an unlisted number because I do the EMS stuff and I have a drop-in center for troubled youth so I need my number to be unlisted, um but uh, it doesn’t mean that the people I want to can’t have it. Um….you can pretty much reach me any time because I don’t sleep and I do weird EMS stuff in the middle of the night. Anyway, whenever. You can call me whenever it doesn’t matter. Um…if I don’t answer leave a message and I’ll give you a call back. My number is <insert number here>. That’s <insert number (again) here>. Um…and it’s a new phone and I’m not sure if it’s working well or not, whatever. So I’ll say it one more time, <insert number thricely here>. And it’s Jesse for Arianne. Hope to talk to you soon. I’m going out tonight to a coffee shop near me. Shisha bar actually. A coffee shop. Doing some drawing; working on some sketches. Um so if you call me in the evening I’ll be around, I can take your call. Um if you do want to come draw, you’re more than welcome. Um…but you have to be able to draw to come otherwise, no coffee. *snickers* Anyway, I’ll be out probably from 9 o’clock on. Until then, I should be available I think. Um and uh…yeah, ok, take care. This is too long a message, isn’t it? Jesse, we met last night. Talk to you soon. Happy New Year.”
**A clip from “Swingers”: