(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?

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I was chitting-the-chat with my brother this weekend about this blog and how stagnant my social life is. We all know I’m not currently dating and that’s okay buuuuuuuuuuuuut then what’s the point of this blog?  How do I have a blog about the perils and joys of dating when I isn’t?

*single blink*

Exactly!

He says my thought process makes most thing palatable and I’m infinitely interesting. Well, damn…with all these great qualities why are the mens not lining up? Anyway, he gave me this really cool angle: “When ROMANCE becomes the subplot of a romance novel.”  RIGHT?!  Because isn’t that the case? My fairytale will be my fairytale regardless of how it pans out…  Romance for me involves a man showing up at my door, gifting me a large bag of Double Hit Kernels I don’t have to share while he clutches a beat-up “Maximum Overdrive” VHS tape because we’re gonna have a movie night.  My expectations are not high, Blinkers, but they’re obviously incredibly specific and for that, I will be happy in my own mess right now.

So I’m not “re-writing” my story, I’m just taking this chapter into a new direction where I’ll have to establish new characters and different locales for all the ridiculousness to continue. Starting now… (don’t worry, I won’t bring up “Scandal” again…but it airs on ABC on Thursdays @ 10pm EST!!!)

This is kind-of exciting, everyone! I’ve been working out every day and loving how I feel. I’ve been cooking more often and who knows, maybe I’ll feed someone else one day. I’ve been saving money for my home renovations and a trip to somewhere tropical in a few months (yay!). And my little treat to myself has been weeding out all my old clothing and slowly rebuilding my wardrobe with my fashion inspirations in mind (Gwen Stefani & Solange – they’re fabulous and so am I).

Runway shade

Me on the subway platform every morning. Shade thrown everywhere.

The moral of this story is, whether you’re still online dating, dating “regularly” (whatever that means these days) or like me, not dating at all, how are you keeping busy? What are you doing for you? How are you bettering yourself for no other reason than you being deserving of it?  TELL ME, I WANNA KNOW!

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I’m Not Supposed To Love You Anymore…

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…AND I DON’T.

It’s been about two months since I said “buh-bye” to online dating and this is usually the hardest time for me. I’ll be itching to start up again; thinking of ways to make my profile the best it’s ever been. And I can honestly say I don’t miss it, not even a little bit.

This is huge for me, folks!

It’s like I’ve finally had enough of an abusive relationship and I’m out for good.

UPDATES:

Have I been on any dates since permanently deleting my online profiles?

No.

BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED POST:

Where are the men? I still don’t know. Am I closer to having them discover my black berry? Only time can tell. Do I want permanent peen? *single blink* 

lawd

You. Have. No. Idea.

I’ve taken to working out and focusing on work. I’ve been cooking a lot more. I’ve decided to become even more addicted to television and I didn’t think it was possible (“Scandal.” ABC. Thursdays at 10PM EST. Make this happen for yourself.) I truly believe this summer is going to bring a lot of romantic possibilities and my head/heart is open for them.

I’ve decided to take my best friend’s advice and walk through life as though every man and woman wants me – head held high, strut like a black stallion (racial!) and body bangin’.

I’m happy, friends. Truly happy with how things are for the first time in a long time, so I’m sure things will all fall into their right place.

Until next week…

I Don’t Know Why

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WARNING: This post is a hodgepodge of thoughts from race to cheating to myself, you and your relationships and how it all relates to a television show. I bounce around but whateves, if y’all don’t know me by now…

I’ve recently fallen into a deep and passionate love with the show “Scandal.” I’ve watched both seasons in the span of 72 hours and I am LIVING for the relationship between Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) and President Fitzgerald Grant (Tony Goldwyn). LIVING FOR IT.  I posted about actors I hated due to roles they’ve played in the past and Tony Goldwyn was one of them. He did wrong by Patrick Swayze in “Ghost” and I have never, EVER been able to move past that…until now.

I don’t want to make this a race thing, but I kind of have to make it a race thing to show how not a race thing this is. This is the first primetime drama I’ve witnessed with a black female lead. On top of that, the love interest is the Leader of the Free World and let me tell you…it wasn’t until I watched this show that I finally got it. The popularity of this show with a mainstream audience is going to bring all the boys to my yard.  Shonda does not shine a beaming light on the inappropriateness of this relationship because it is a black woman and white man. They touched on race once, just once, in the first season and this is how the show addressed it. All you need to know is Olivia reduced their relationship to that of Sally Hemings & Thomas Jefferson. *snap*

Olivia: Did you need something Mr. President?

Fitz: The Sally Hemings-Thomas Jefferson comment was below the belt.

Olivia: Because it’s so untrue?

Fitz: You’re playing the race card because I’m in love with you? Come on! Don’t belittle us. It’s insulting and beneath you and designed to drive me away. I’m not going away.

Olivia: I don’t have to drive you away. You’re married and you have children. You’re the Leader of the Free World. You are away by definition. You are away. You’re unavailable.

Fitz: So this is about Mellie? (Bloggers note: Mellie is the First Lady, Fitz’s wife)

Olivia: No, no, no! This is… I smile at her and take off my clothes for you. I wait for you. I watch for you. My whole life is you. I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you. You own me, you control me, I belong to you…”

FitzYOU OWN ME! You control me. I belong to you.  You think I don’t want to be a better man? You think that I don’t want to dedicate myself to my marriage? You don’t think I want to be honourable? To be the man you voted for? I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep without you. I wait for YOU, I watch for YOU. I exist for you. If I could escape all of this and run away with you? There’s no Sally and Thomas here. You’re nobody’s victim, Liv. I belong to you. We’re in this together.

*single blink* 

RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!! The chemistry between Olivia and Fitz is like whoa. It leaves me weak! And it gets stronger and more intense every episode. I haven’t been this invested in characters in a long time and for this, I thank Ms. Shonda.

In saying all of this, it got me thinking about a lot of things. Here I am, along with plenty of others, cheering on this relationship even though he’s a married man. Nothing about this is right and yet I’m rooting for their love. I’ve been cheated on and I’ve been the other woman; neither is a place I want to be in again. (In the case of this show, his wife knows about this affair and on occasion, orchestrates meetings between the two because she knows it’s the only way to keep her husband’s head in the game.) Cheating is cheating is cheating, but like anything else in life, there is always that misty grey area. Sometimes it’s not as easy to simply break-up/divorce the person you’ve been with because you think you’ve actually met the person you’re supposed to be with. I don’t mean the men and women who aren’t able to be monogamous or who think something better is around the corner every dyam minute, let me just make that clear.  But have you ever been in a relationship with someone and out of nowhere, you meet someone and without it becoming physical, there’s a connection? An unexplained chemistry you simply don’t have with your current partner? Have you ever acted on it? When you discovered this, do you have a conversation with yourself and rationalize? Is this person only attractive because the entire situation should be forbidden? Most times, I’d have to say yes because we tend to want what we can’t have. But on very few occasions, there is a legitimate basis for these feelings. I think everyone has the right to be happy. No one can tell you what’s right for you, except for you. The innocent bystanders are an unfortunate casualty in this journey. (And for the record, staying together “for the kids” is not a reason to stay together. That kind of toxic environment can cause more harm than good and I know this from experience.)

So the show flashes back to two years prior when Olivia and Fitz first met on his campaign trail; there was a moment when Fitz says to Olivia:

Fitz and Olivia

“How did I get here? Why didn’t I meet you sooner?
What kind of a coward was I to marry her and not wait for you to show up?”

*single blink again*

That’s the definition of intoxication. He’s telling her he’s been married for years and he blames HIMSELF for not waiting until the moment she came into his life regardless of when that may be?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Well, damn…there go my knees again. WEAK!

Olivia explained what she wanted to an ex trying to win her back:  “I don’t want normal, or easy, or simple. I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love.”

The ex responds: “Love isn’t supposed to hurt…”

I think there’s a HUGE difference between ‘settling down’ and simply ‘settling.’  I also think it’s a shame when people fall victim to the latter. I get Olivia so much it hurts and it took this show to put it into words I’ve never been able to find. I’ve realized if it’s easy, it’s not for me. You either get it or you don’t. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying I’m a passionate person and I need that level of passion matched. If that means a life of living vicariously through the romps of Fitz & Olivia, then I’m well on my way to the best life I could ever know.

Blinkers, watch “Scandal” and thank me later. It’s the most satisfying meal you could ever have.

Have A Heart

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I hope you’ve seen this video before, but if you haven’t… I present to you:

HANDSOME MEN’S CLUB
HMC2

On this Valentine’s Day, I’m using the power of my *single blinks* to IMPLORE Jimmy Kimmel to do another edition. Here are my suggestions for HMC Part Deux (in no particular order):

Tony Goldwyn

Tom Hardy

Tom Hardy

Tank

Tank

Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling

RDJ

Robert Downey, Jr.

Paul Rudd

Paul Rudd

John Taylor

John Taylor

John Stamos 2

John Stamos

Jeremy Renner

Jeremy Renner

Jared Leto

Jared Leto

Idris Elba

Idris Elba

Hemsworths

The Hemsworth Brothers (Liam & Chris)

David Beckham

David Beckham

Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt

Adam Levine

Adam Levine

To think of the possibilities of all these men being in the same room at the same time made my loins the equivalent of a mouthful of cinnamon hearts a.k.a. set on fire. IMAGINE?!

I may not have a sweetie to call my own tonight. I may be watching “Untamed Heart” on VHS and bawling into a bowl of froze grapes for dinner. I may EVEN put men’s cologne and a baseball cap on my body pillow just to feel something real for one night. But the possibility of another HMC sketch would make everything right with the world.

So, Mr. Kimmel, this is my Valentine’s Day wish. Please have a heart and make this happen again…for me.

Sincerely,

@Bettykiss

On To The Next One

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I can’t tell you how excited I was to receive an email from a reader I don’t actually know. Then, I read this email and felt complete sympathy for what she’s been going through re: online dating because we all know, I have been here, there and errywhere.  I asked her if she’d mind if I posted her email because I’m sure men and women have experienced this and we can all join in the conversation, share our stories and give her some hope.

From Anonymous:

Hey,

So I recently joined OKCupid and am having the worst time. First, a lot of the guys aren’t amazing (which, I’m sure you’ve noticed) but THEN when I find a guy I’m remotely interested in, we chat.. and chat.. and then nothing. Sometimes I ask for a Facebook add. Then we do. Then sometimes a message or two. Then nothing.
 
I really don’t think I’m doing anything wrong since there’s not much space for me to even start to really make any mistakes, since we only chat for two/three days and send a few messages and it’s always light hearted and fun. 
 
I don’t get it! It’s starting to make me self conscious about how I look (I was fine with how I looked prior to this, as much as one could be I suppose) or how I converse  All sorts of crazy stupid things I don’t really think is healthy. 
 
Help!

First of all, darling, shut down any and all feelings of self-consciousness right now. Blinkers, I’ve seen this gal’s photo and she’s a stunner. Anyone who isn’t smart enough to take things to the next level, meaning an actual date, is the one missing out. There are so many pros and cons to online dating. One of the biggest “pros” is you have an abundance of potentials. Here’s the kicker: one of the biggest “cons” is you’re one of the “abundance” for them.

When taking the online dating adventure, you have to understand you cannot take it personally. We do,I DEFINITELY have, but we need to step back and put things in perspective.  We are engaging in conversations with these people but they don’t know us. And truth be told, even if this was someone you met in real life, exchanged numbers and went your separate ways…at least in my experience, that is no guarantee you’ll hear from them again.

Online dating is looked at as a game of numbers. I’ve met many amazing men online, some I still call friends. While we want to believe there’s a romantic connection just waiting to discover our profile and when they do, they charm us with the goofy humour of Chris O’Dowd while they wear a suit like Daniel Craig. They exude the quiet confidence of Ryan Gosling and have the forearms of Jeremy Renner. And don’t forget the movie star good looks of a young Marlon Brando.

STOP THAT!

STOP THAT!

Get out of your head!  I’ll be the first to say I’ve had pleasant conversations with men online and when it came down to deciding whether I’d like to speak to them again or not, I’ve been the one to “not.”  You can’t pinpoint chemistry even if you think there’s a spark. It has to be two-sided. If the feelings aren’t reciprocated, there’s no one at fault, it’s just not a match.

You’re a beautiful girl. Please don’t think there’s a right or wrong in this and do not EVER think that you’re not getting further with these men because you’re unattractive or whatever other crazy ideas you’re thinking of. It IS unhealthy. I’ve been where you are and I continue to have self-esteem issues I’m working through to this day and they begun loooooooong before online dating sites existed. It feels like a blow to the ego. I mean it HAS to be something we said or did or maybe it’s a photo they saw, riiiiiiiight? There’s NO way this dude isn’t into us. We both saw/loved “High Fidelity” and totally related to the list-making… WE ARE DESTINED. *single blink* It just doesn’t work this way for the majority of us.

I feel both online and in real life connections are about chance not numbers. You have to remember this thing is a game we all play whether we want to admit it or not.  There’s the ones who play dirty, the ones who play safe, the ones who play smart and the ones who don’t play at all. When you don’t play, everyone else around you will be living and you’ll still be looking at yourself in the mirror wondering what’s wrong with you. Throw your hat in the ring because you simply never know how or when you’ll meet someone who WILL put in that effort to make you feel special. If you think the goal of this game is to win or lose then you’re missing the point. This game is about the experience – where you’ll go, how you’ll meet, figuring out what this person will teach you about yourself.  The worst of experiences are always the best lessons. Don’t give up!  And if you feel you’re over online dating the way I have….take a break. Hide your profile for a little while and just see how you feel.

Life’s too short to sweat whether a dude returns a Facebook message. And you’re too awesome to care.

Schoolin’ Life – A Beyoncé Monday

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It’s the Monday after the Super Bowl and Beyoncé was the half-time attraction. So here are:

Single Blink’s Top 7 Learnings from Queen Bey’s Half-Time Performance in GIF Format

1.) Thick girls are the healthiest and sexiest girls.

Beyonce SB6

2.) Kelly Rowland is the absolute truth. I’m obsessed with her and you should be too. Bandwagon jumpers are all welcome.

Kelly Rowland

3.) I need to work on my entrance into public forums.

Beyonce SB

4.) Women, we’re magical creatures when we work together.

Beyonce SB4

5.) My summer body workout is brought to you by last night’s half-time show.

Beyonce SB5

Just click on this image to see the Realness.

6.) If I don’t love me, how in the hell can I expect anyone else to?

Beyonce SB7

7.) Never forget your past. Learn from it and be bigger and better.

Beyonce SB8

So to everyone, male or female, who has a hater mentality about ANYTHING pertaining to me:

Beyonce Basic

*single blink* …and I sure as hell won’t.