Please press play:
“Pretty Woman” aka P-Dubs. A movie I can watch repeatedly, from any point and instantly be happy. How many times have I wished to find myself in the same situations as Vivian without living the life of a down-on-her-luck prostitute? SO MANY TIMES! With the exception of two situations:
1) When Jason Alexander tries to have his way with her. No.
And 2) The no-kissing on the lips rule.
Has this ridiculousness ever happened to you?!?!?!?!?! Like, they won’t kiss you but they want to do all other types of things to you? Have you. Ever been. P-Dubbed?! ‘Cuz it’s happened to me more times than I care to mention and I have no idea how I bring this upon myself. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
Why bother with the sweet lines, boys? Why even call this a date if you’re only looking for one thing and you want to keep your emotions as far away from me as you possibly can? If kissing (KISSING!!!) is too personal, TOO intimate, then don’t ask me out.
I have a question: who hurt you? Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t care and it would be worse for me to pretend like I damn well do. Take your beautiful mouths, set your mouth to “frown,” and head in the opposite direction of where I am. You see, unlike a lot of females who like to live in the land of imaginary, I’d rather know where I stood from the start than have to wade through a man’s issues swamp (Population: Him + one million problems all starting with the name “Jennifer”). Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that! *single blink*
Friends, I am positive I’ve reached my limit of trifling, whack-attack, immature, bugabooin’, non-take charge boys. This woman needs a grown-ass man. Fully grown. Nourished. Healthy. Strong. Broad. Ready. THESE ARE THE QUALITIES!
Have a good weekend and stay tuned for my New Year’s contest comin’ atcha on Monday!!!