Something Good

Please press play: 

Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must’ve done something hella good. I was invited to chat about THIS blog and my Top 10 don’ts for online dating profiles on Global’s The Morning Show last Friday (you can see me in all of my nervous glory HERE). While I still can’t watch myself on TV, I’ve received the most encouraging feedback from friends, family and strangers alike. To answer the most asked questions: I haven’t heard if they’ll invite me back and I have no plans on doing television…but man, it was really cool!

My 15 minutes… (but technically only 8 minutes *single blink*)

As you can see, we only got through one of the 10 points so I figured what better way to run down the rest of the list than in a post. So without further adieu, here (in no particular order) are:

SINGLE BLINK’S LIST OF DON’TS FOR AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE

  1. Do NOT wait to be contacted, instigate conversation.
  2. Do NOT send basic messages. Your initial message should be multi-syllabic: “Hey” or “Hi” will not get people to respond.
  3. Do NOT post less than two photos: 1) an unobstructed view of your face & 2) a 3/4 to full body photo. You do not want to fall into any Bonos (wearing sunglasses ALWAYS) or Hat Tricks (all photos are taken while they’re wearing hats). You also don’t want photos where the subject matter looks like a dot in the frame.
  4. Do NOT say you don’t what to write and then say if there’s anything we want to know, “just ask.” We require something to begin a conversation, a story, a common interest, anything. It’s no different than in real-life.
  5. (For the men) Do NOT suspect every woman is a “gold-digger.” The fear/venomous denial by putting “Yes” or “Ask Me” beside the “Profession” field is ridiculous. Maybe we relate to your work and that’s something in common we can discuss. To normal humans, it’s not about figuring out how much money you make – I’m a grown woman; I can pay my own mortgage. Thanks for coming out.
  6. Do NOT continually message someone who has not messaged you back.
  7. Do NOT and I repeat, DO NOT, copy and paste messages to several profiles. They are so easy to detect because you don’t ask any specific questions about what you read in our profile and you’re only reiterating what we can read in your profile. Stop it.
  8. Do NOT lie about anything: height, weight, age, etc…we’ll find out.
  9. Do NOT post photos of celebrities claiming it’s you (I have a slightly higher pop-culture reference point than the average bear so using Max Hodges or Chris Powell is not a good move.)
  10. Last but not least, Do NOT post photos of:
  • Your kids
  • Anyone else’s kids
  • Your grillz
  • You in a bathroom mirror
  • You flexing in a bathroom mirror
  • Your car or motorcycle without you in the shot
  • Your blow-out (in a bathroom mirror)
  • You and your ex with their face blurred out
  • Groups of people who are the same sex as you and you have not indicated who you are (9 times out of 10, you’ll be attracted to someone who is not them).

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