Remain Nameless

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I never realized how much breath I intake when I finally find out the name of a boy I like. For example: I’m chatting with a cute guy online, the time comes to exchange names and they have the same DYAM name as someone I used to date (read: had feelings for/who hurt me/who stole my lollipop). It’s not their fault, I know it. I can’t penalize someone for another’s douchebaggery. I feel like it’s me calling ‘double jeopardy’ on a name, I can’t prosecute a name because it’s broken the law twice. But if I’m going to be completely honest with y’all, and I always am, it bugs me. It truly, madly, deeply does. Just don’t have the same name! Don’t.

I’ve dated so many same-named men, you really would not believe. Then there are dude’s with the same initials!!! I’ve actually dated SEVERAL dudes with the exact same initials. Fate, you’re rude. I mean, their stupid parents didn’t know they would stupidly name their stupid sons the same stupid name as the stupid who was stupid to me. *single blink*

When I find out my new dude’s name is “Matthew,” “Michael” or “Derek,” I’m all… “Oh brother!”

If I EVER have a son, I’m naming him Tradger or…Botsradew for the future of womankind. Trust, you will never call out either of those names in bed again thinking about the Bostradew Hamilton who stood you up on date #4 instead of Botsradew Higgins whom is beneath you.

I’m growing as a person. I swears it. *hunches shoulders, shuffles feet, kicks rocks* 


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