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The return of STORYTIME TUESDAY, I present to you:

THE AUDIBLE

“An audible is often called by the quarterback when he doesn’t like the play call after getting a look at the defensive formation.”

A few weekends ago, my friends and I were discussing our days of old at My Apartment 2 (the club) in Mississauga. My best friend and I used to run that place – we never paid for anything, security wouldn’t allow anyone on top of the speakers except us to dance, we would be protected against any ridiculousness that may cross our paths. And at the end of the night, because we always shut the place down, wee never had to worry about how we’d get home. It’s not that we went home with strangers every week, but there were other regulars who were there all the time and somehow we’d get a ride back home to Brampton.

On a particular Thursday night, we met two gentlemen by the name of Rico and Vinnie. Now, I don’t need to go into a description of them because you guys already know. This is the only time I will accept your brains to stereotype these guys to their very core. They looked…EXACTLY…the way you’d think a Rico and a Vinnie would look. They were best friends, Rico was the obvious leader of the two. Vinnie was the sweetest boy you could ever meet, he was a bigger guy and he was a butcher at the Hurontario Knob Hill Farms. Like an actual butcher, as though it was his mob name: Vinnie da Butchah (imagine that with an Andrew Dice Clay voice.) Why I remember any of this is beyond my comprehension, but these are the Rico & Vinnie facts. *single blink* These dudes could not be made up by the best of storytellers so I’ll do my best to lay this story out.

We would see them every week – Rico was mine, Vinnie was my friend’s and we would only get together when the night was over. During the night, we all had an unspoken rule that we wouldn’t cockblock against others. That’s just the way it was. There are several Rico & Vinnie stories that came out of this four-way union, but this story is simply focused on one.

There were quite a few nights after we left the club where Rico and I would hang out the entire night, driving around until the sun came up. Talking about life, he gave me a glimpse into him occasionally though most of the time he was the largest caricature of a Rico you’d ever see. One evening, Rico and Vinnie took our relationships to the next level and the four of us hung out on a non-club night. They met us at my friend’s parent’s house, we took our Fruité down to the basement and sat on the couch to chat. So picture this:

My friend and I sitting side-by-side on the couch, Rico to one side of me and Vinnie to the other side of her. Rico tilts his head back to ask Vinnie, “Hey Vin, should we pull an audible?

We didn’t know what the hells they were talking about.  You see, I was not the sports-loving chick I am now back then; these words meant nothing to me. At least not in the context they meant it. I remember  looking at her as if to say, “WTF?” but I don’t think we audibly (see what I did there?) expressed we didn’t know what they were going on about. I remember them asking us if we were cool with it, by this time they had explained the football concept, and we basically shrugged and said, “Yeah, sure.”  I mean, what did we care? These guys were never going to be more than anything they were at that moment in time. At that point in my life, I was in my first year of kissing something other than the back of my hand, so I was game for WHATEVAH!  You should also note, the way we ended up AFTER the audible is how it should’ve been from the beginning. Vinnie was the nice, sweet, caring dude and Rico was the I’m-all-about-Rico show…Vinnie was doing NOTHING for my friend and Rico was doing NOTHING for me.

This was so long ago, the rest of the night is a little muddled in my mind but I do remember running upstairs for more Fruité (I was really into this drink) and Vinnie meeting me at the top of the staircase to the basement. The light was off, it was almost morning and there was some light hitting his face. He was whispering to me asking if I was truly okay with it because he didn’t want to do anything I didn’t want to do. He was so concerned. I remember laughing and saying something to the effect of, “I think we got it right this time” or some other saccharine comment only my brain would come up with. He kissed me right there on the stairs, just like that! And it was gooooooooood. (Rico was a lizard tongue – you know that type of kisser that just has his rigid tongue shooting in and out and not finessing anyone at any time? It was not the one.)

Vinnie and I had a couple more dates after that, on our own and then we lost touch. I don’t think there’s a week that goes by that I don’t think about those two or that night. From that moment on, the idea of “the audible” became so iconic in my life. It’s never happened to me again, but I’ve had so many friends lose friends over the same situation. I wouldn’t put this in the ‘Hoes before Bros’ category or anything, but it was just one of those things that simply worked out for the time it was supposed to work. I wouldn’t have changed that for the world.

The moral of this story is not to meet two guys with a friend and then switch partners when it doesn’t work out. But for those of us who are still single and not really meeting men with the potential we think we’re looking for, maybe we need to quarterback our own lives. Pull an audible. Zag instead of zig. Let’s try a different play and go for the dude flying under the radar. As we ALL saw during the Green Bay/Seattle game last night, if we allow these replacement refs to continue to call the shots, we’ll never get ahead.

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