I’m Simply Irresistible (Obviously…)

Please press play: 

A Mini-Breakdown of a Recent Proposition:

Hello 

Your profile really intrigued me, and I have a proposal for you that I hope will interest you, so please bear with me a moment. 

I am a white male, mid-forties, tall (6’1″), muscular, university-educated, professionally employed, clean, healthy and good-looking. I am a considerate and well-mannered, and I will respect your boundaries. I have a good sense of humour and I am easy to get along with. 

I am a single father, and maintaining a dating relationship is difficult, so I am looking for an ongoing mutually beneficial arrangement, someone to spend time with as our schedules allow, and I am willing to be generous. My ideal would be a relationship that is based on mutual respect, trust, equality and consideration for the other persons needs, without the obligations of a more organic relationship. Please understand that by no means am I making assumptions about your character as a woman or your ability to support yourself, and by no means does my message reflect my views of women in general. I just found you very attractive and interesting, and I am hoping this is something that might work for both of us. I do want to make a meaningful connection with someone, just in a somewhat non-traditional manner. If this is not something that would interest you, please don’t be offended by the offer. 

I enjoy laughter and good conversation so I think we would enjoy each other’s company. I would love to meet up for a coffee, get acquainted, and see if we click.

If you think you might be interested please contact me. I would love to hear from you. 

*a single blink surrounded by a suitcase of sighs* 

Pros: He spelled everything correctly, he’s seemingly honest, he knows exactly what he wants.

Questions: Point me to the person who hates laughing or good conversation – stop filling up white space, sir!

Cons: Don’t EVEN get me started.

By the by, I’m not ever offended by these propositions. He wasn’t rude, this wasn’t a noticeable black girl fetish or any of that. I just can’t believe this isht still happens, so…you’re welcome.

Rule #1 of Online Dating: If he mentions he’s “generous” in terms of ANYTHING he’s willing to bring to the relationship, TRUST he’s not talking about sharing the Red Lobster biscuits with you. If the man instigating conversation has the mindset of basically paying you off for your time, do not pass “GO” and left that $200 post haste!  Do you know what I don’t need, a sugar daddy…but I ain’t knocking you if that’s your thing.

Rule #2 of Online Dating: If he doesn’t actually ask you or reference anything about what he read in your profile then he’s cutting and pasting this exact message to every girl he comes across who toightens his trousers. FACT. I’m one of many in a long list of “maybe this one’ll get back to me.”

“Resistance is futile.”

Ladies, stay alert …………………………………………………………………..stay safe!


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5 responses

    • A for Lazy too. A copy-and-paste job ain’t cute. If you’re going to really lay it out, might as well be original instead of sending the same message to everyone. The reason I know for a fact he sends it to everyone is A) experience and #2 – he’s sent me the same exact message on three separate occasions. Fail.

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