My Heartbeat…My Heartbeat…

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You may not know that I’m not complaining about my single life and blinking my way through it 24/7.  No, no. I’m also a stylist (Bettykiss Style Inc. – BE WARNED: music will begin as soon as you check out my site so volume should be turned down) and I’ve been working on a collection for the last little while.  ALL of that hard work has paid off like you would NOT believe and the show is tonight.

It’s called VESSEL and it’s an homage to the human heart. The creative masterminds behind this are Breeyn McCarney (designer, genius, maker of great punch) & Irena Komadinic (artist, painter, entirely too humble).  They have put together a collection that will simultaneously stop, then revive you so you don’t miss another second.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike, look at this photo below – YOU CANNOT MISS TUNING INTO THIS SHOW!

Model, Nicole Creed (Sutherland), in a piece from the VESSEL Collection by Breeyn McCarney & Irena Komadinic. Photo: Sylvia Pereira

Connect to the live feed and share the link at 8PM EST tonight to watch the show: http://breeyn.com/vessel/live/

This opportunity has been the biggest of my life and I’m SO proud I was asked to join this team. If you do tune in, you can join the conversation via Twitter by hashtagging #vessel12 in every tweet.

WHAT: VESSEL: A collection by Breeyn McCarney & Irena Komdinic
WHEN: TODAY (Tuesday, May 29, 2012)
TIME: 8PM EST
LIVE FEED: http://breeyn.com/vessel/live/

I’d like thank ALL of the  volunteers and sponsors with a special shoutout to: Shavonne, Jono, Marcus, Sylvia, Carrie, Kristian, Pamela, Katie Marie, Brittany, Natalie #1, Natalie #2, Steve, Chanel, Iftin, Dawn & Bryanna.

No single blinks today, y’all…my eyes are wide open and fully focused.

Check out the Bettykiss site here.
Bettykiss on Facebook
Bettykiss Blog 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, follow me on Twitter: @bettykiss

I’m Simply Irresistible (Obviously…)

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A Mini-Breakdown of a Recent Proposition:

Hello 

Your profile really intrigued me, and I have a proposal for you that I hope will interest you, so please bear with me a moment. 

I am a white male, mid-forties, tall (6’1″), muscular, university-educated, professionally employed, clean, healthy and good-looking. I am a considerate and well-mannered, and I will respect your boundaries. I have a good sense of humour and I am easy to get along with. 

I am a single father, and maintaining a dating relationship is difficult, so I am looking for an ongoing mutually beneficial arrangement, someone to spend time with as our schedules allow, and I am willing to be generous. My ideal would be a relationship that is based on mutual respect, trust, equality and consideration for the other persons needs, without the obligations of a more organic relationship. Please understand that by no means am I making assumptions about your character as a woman or your ability to support yourself, and by no means does my message reflect my views of women in general. I just found you very attractive and interesting, and I am hoping this is something that might work for both of us. I do want to make a meaningful connection with someone, just in a somewhat non-traditional manner. If this is not something that would interest you, please don’t be offended by the offer. 

I enjoy laughter and good conversation so I think we would enjoy each other’s company. I would love to meet up for a coffee, get acquainted, and see if we click.

If you think you might be interested please contact me. I would love to hear from you. 

*a single blink surrounded by a suitcase of sighs* 

Pros: He spelled everything correctly, he’s seemingly honest, he knows exactly what he wants.

Questions: Point me to the person who hates laughing or good conversation – stop filling up white space, sir!

Cons: Don’t EVEN get me started.

By the by, I’m not ever offended by these propositions. He wasn’t rude, this wasn’t a noticeable black girl fetish or any of that. I just can’t believe this isht still happens, so…you’re welcome.

Rule #1 of Online Dating: If he mentions he’s “generous” in terms of ANYTHING he’s willing to bring to the relationship, TRUST he’s not talking about sharing the Red Lobster biscuits with you. If the man instigating conversation has the mindset of basically paying you off for your time, do not pass “GO” and left that $200 post haste!  Do you know what I don’t need, a sugar daddy…but I ain’t knocking you if that’s your thing.

Rule #2 of Online Dating: If he doesn’t actually ask you or reference anything about what he read in your profile then he’s cutting and pasting this exact message to every girl he comes across who toightens his trousers. FACT. I’m one of many in a long list of “maybe this one’ll get back to me.”

“Resistance is futile.”

Ladies, stay alert …………………………………………………………………..stay safe!


It’s Just A Little Crush

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LOUIS C.K. IS COMING TO TORONTO! LOUIS C.K. IS COMING TO TORONTO!

LOUIS C.K. IS COMING TO TORONTO! LOUIS C.K. IS COMING TO TORONTO!

LOUIS C.K. IS COMING TO TORONTO!

*single blink*

Ahem…pardon me. I’m not sure if ANY of you are aware but Louis C.K. is coming to Toronto to headline Just For Laughs (JFL42.com) and I don’t even know why I contemplated not buying a ticket. Oh yeah, I know why? Because the tickets are so hella expensive I dented my non-existent grandchildren’s wallets.  But EFF ALL DAT!!!

I’m going! I’m going! By the time you read this it will be ONE HOUR before I purchase my single, solo, one, singular ticket to the show. Yes, it will get me into all 42 things scheduled but I only care to see him. See him and him alone. I love him. I love him forever. I will always love him. What’s love got to do with him? I am saving ALL my love for him. I’ll never sing another sad love song. I am ready for his love. Baby, I love his way. I can’t get enough of his love. Shackle me with chains of his love. DJ got me fallin’ in love. He’s my dreamlover. HE’S MY….ENDLESS….LOVE.

(I can’t explain how heavily I’m breathing thinking that I will get to see him, live, in-person, sharing our oxygens. And if somehow I do not get a ticket to his show, tune into the CP24 ticker because an unidentified black female will be causing mayhem in the downtown core.)

Trust.

BAM! SPRINKS! PLA-DOW! (you’re welcome) 

FIND OUT MORE HERE!!!

Get Over It

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My apologies for the sparse posts lately – my 9-to-5 is getting in the way of my life. Please bear with me over the next few weeks as I wrap up the last of my plans and can get back to daily posts.

Here are my latest thoughts in regards to Plenty Of Fish. I kinda hate it. I know, I KNOW…this is nothing new. If you love online dating, I will *single-blink* you until you’re on your hands and knees searching for cocoa butter because you should feel D-R-Y. I’ve been doing this for longer than I care to mention and I’m a pro at it. I haven’t been surprised by a post or person in a really long time. I think POF should actually be paying me for always bringing the fun to every profile and subsequent responses to its never-ending roster of Lowered Expectations. It’s habitual. It’s easy. It’s not entirely time-consuming and I can speak to the other gender whenever I feel like it.  And so…..I continue.  I can tell you, with all honesty, my visits to the site has dwindled over the last month.  Mostly because I simply don’t have the time nor energy to read a series of “Hi” or “Hey” or “You look super hot in black dress ;)” messages. Please note: I’m not wearing a black dress or anything that looks like a black dress in any of my photos.

Like my adult acne, my tolerance for online dating comes and goes in waves.  Right now, I am definitely in a place where I’m not feeling it at all.  But I know there will be that moment in a few weeks where I’m back to it like a junkie. Even when you don’t take the online dating lifestyle too seriously, it still finds a way to grate on the nerves. I hope that some day soon, I’ll finally…

Body Language

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**BODY LANGUAGE WEDNESDAYS**

Today I’d like to salute one of my favourite parts of a man: THE FOREARM. I’ve had many discussions on this topic which normally conclude with me fainting from ‘the vapours,’ but I’m typing and can take as many breaks as I require.

The forearm, GODDAMN! This feature on a man ends my life. I’m not attracted to a Popeye arm nor does Gollum put my panties in a twist…there is a place on middle Earth where these bearers of the ultimate forearms reside. This could be why I love the looks of a blue-collared gent. Their lives of manual labour have toned their appendages to a level approved by me and my loins.

May the corded muscles responsible for your unspoken power be covered with the supplest of skin and lightest sprinkling of hairs.

PRAISE BE TO THE FOREARM

**Honourable mentions to the entire Toronto Blue Jays team but ESPECIALLY Lawrie, Rasmus, Bautista, Thames, Arencibia, Johnson, Escobar, Romero & Mathis. Daaaaaaaaaaamn.

I Can See Clearly Now

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I came to a realization the other day. It may seem super obvious to y’all but for me it was a direct blow to the reality node in my brain.

I have ALWAYS had this issue with men who were able to finagle their way into my place for the “at-home second date” experience. It felt like they didn’t want to put in any effort to actually woo a chick (I am that chick).  And with good reason! My success rate in the getting-to-know-you phase with at-home dates result in every date thereafter being in my home. I HATE IT. Take me out! Let’s go for a walk! For a drink! For push-ups…I really don’t care.  But you’re chilling at my house, eating my food, drinking my drinks, watching my DVDs, playing my Nintendo and driving up my hydro bill (not really, but you get my point). They’ve brought nothing to this date other than their two long arms and ridiculous ‘bedspectations.’  You can’t bring a bag of chips? *single blink*

So the realization…  Okay, take everything I said before and apply it to a guy I’m ACTUALLY interested in and I ONLY want to spend time indoors away from the world watching tv, cutting crusts off sandwiches, making the dude feel as comfortable as possible. I become fully domesticated…and I LOVE IT. Let’s wear TSBs (Track Suit Bottoms) and drink soda in wine glasses! Let’s put music on the turntable and have a full-fledged sock hop in my living room! Let’s choose a turrible romance novel from my library and read random chapters to each other and laugh while the ice cream cake is softening for consumption! Yes, lets!!!

This will now be my official barometer: if you don’t bring out the domestic goddess within me, then I need to stop fooling myself. YOU SHALL NOT PASS….the threshold of my condo.

Dreams Be Dreams

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As a single woman with an addiction to the look/smell/sound of men… *single blink*  ALL I have are my fantasies. I’m not going to run around this city sleeping with every Tom’s dick named ‘Harry’ (is that not how the saying goes?!). I’m just going to get lost in my own mindgrapes and go. to. tizz-own.

I would admonish myself for this in the past. I thought I was SO pathetic because my romantic life wasn’t really anything to be proud of. Actually, my romantic life was non-existent. But why deny myself when daydreaming is free! It doesn’t hurt anyone and if you get so caught up in your own fantasies, that’s on you.  I say enjoy them.

I’ll plan my perfect dates with celebrities I’ll never meet. I will create an entire scenario of how I met my future husband who happens to be that beautiful guy heading the same way as me on the streetcar. I will take that dude’s crooked smile, not necessarily toward me, and up the ante in my head that he totally wanted me and list all the possible reasons why.

As long as you recognize them for what they are, there is no harm and most definitely, no foul. For me it’s a much-needed reprieve from the crippling loneliness that sneaks in like a ninja from time to time.  So let your dreams be dreams, friends.

Ribbon In The Sky

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BEST. FIRST MESSAGES. EVER.  *single blink*

Ahem…

“ur sexy. i wana u”

“hi can we please have a cup of coffee together im a writer and i like to tell you about my first book over coffee ok rene 647 *** 7***”

“i am looking for the woman like you, wonderful, beautiful, like fun. i am very interested to have you as a close friend. beleive me, i want to be your man , i will be there for you. text me back you will never desapointed. please give me your heart , i will give it to you mine”

“I’ll meet you at the altar in my white dress…” ~ modified Jagged Edge lyric

The Head I Hold

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I can’t believe I’ve slept on this band. A friend set me straight on Sunday. Listen to everything you can find and then buy the album. Twice. *single blink* BUY IT TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (‘cuz I did – the vinyl’s on the way).

I’m excited for music again. I’m so EFFING excited! And I’m gonna dance all summer exactly this way:

I dare you not to shoulder shimmy in your dyam office chair when this song plays.