Shorty Swung My Way

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There are plenty of couples, celebrity and non, where the men are shorter than their female counterparts: Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban, Sophie Dahl/Jamie Cullum, Janet Jackson/Jermaine Dupree…you get the idea. Somehow in the early 2000s a gypsy unknowingly stroked my cheek and murmured: “You lookin’ good, shorty. Good, sho’ enough, good enough for me” which caused all the Frodos of the land to find me. *single blink*

I’ve NEVER been comfortable dating men who are shorter than I am but in those years I felt like a charity case and that these guys were doing me a huge favour. But always in my mind (and still to this day), there’s something about a big ol’ man with some meat on his bones that makes an awkward bird like me feel so much more like a lady. They can lift you up and flip you over and make you go on your tippy toes for a smooch.  Mmmmmmmmm it’s just so good to me! This is simply my preference. I have dated men my height, some were incredibly slight and I felt like they would be taken away in the wind like Mary Poppins. Some others were quite lovely and I didn’t even take notice. When a man is SIGNIFICANTLY smaller in height and weight, it just doesn’t feel right. Let me tell you about the time I dated a lovable Ewok (that’s redundant, right? How can an Ewok not be lovable?):

He was a lovely man. In the 2000’s I frequented live music venues to check out the indie scene in the city.  That’s how we met. We would run into each other on the street all the time and chat and then go our separate ways.  He was a darling little thing, only three apples high (seriously though, his head probably landed between my shoulder and elbow). He was super-nice, talented and asked me out so who was I to turn that opportunity ‘no.’ He invited me to his shows (he was a musician), we would hangout and everything was cool…but I just couldn’t get past the height difference. Holding hands, which is one of my favourite things, made us both feel weird so we opted not to.

I don’t think there was a “moment” where I decided I just couldn’t continue seeing him in a romantic way, but I think I just became more and more withdrawn until I told him I didn’t see him that way anymore.  A testament to this guy is he and I have remained friends over all these years. So to EVERYONE WHO THINKS I ONLY CHOOSE BAD GUYS, they ain’t all bad. I can honestly say I don’t think I made a mistake on this one, you can’t help what or who attracts you – it’s that indescribable thing.  It’s that person who embodies all the characteristics and flaws and quirks you didn’t know you found charming. Everything else you had on your proverbial checklist falls by the wayside when you meet that person and it simply clicks.

In the online and real-world dating scene, it seems that men are getting shorter and smaller and there’s nothing I can do about this. I may be pretty picky these days, but it’s come from years and years of being in situations I didn’t enjoy or feel comfortable in.  I mean, I have to look at my love life like an all-you-can-eat-foods-of-the-world buffet: I am allowed to taste every single delicacy from around the world, and you best believe I’ll get my fingers into every last morsel. But sometimes I’m going to taste something that just doesn’t agree with me. I’m not going to dash the whole tray in the garbage because I don’t like it – there’s a long line of other people who have paid their dues to enjoy this buffet too.  Someone is bound to love that treat as it should be loved.  And maybe, if I’m lucky, someone will have done me the same courtesy.  The undamaged tray they left alone will suit my tastebuds just fine. Hell, I may want to eat what’s on that tray every day for the rest of my life. That may sound boring to you, but that’s the only reason I agreed to come to this buffet.


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