A Whole New World

Please press play: 

A new fantastic point of view.  A new site, a new list of possibilities.  Join me on my journey through… *whispers*

…ELIGON 

During a girl’s night in, a friend of mine told me about Eligon. I’d never heard of it and I consider myself a veteran of the internet dating world. Obviously my next steps were to sign right up and try it out. It’s a paid site but you can use it free for 30 days, so what’s there to lose.  A description of Eligon by Eligon:

Eligon is an exclusive online dating community for busy professionals seeking like minded partners. Our advanced Compatibility Formula, matching process, and screening techniques ensure Eligon is a safe, comfortable and enjoyable online dating environment. Based in Toronto, Ontario, Eligon is an exclusive online dating community connecting busy professionals all across Canada.

Exclusivity

  • Eligon was created exclusively for professionals and executives to connect with those of a similar mindset and value system. Prospective members must first apply by filling out a quick Professional Background questionnaire, and are then only accepted when information is screened and verified.
Privacy
  • Privacy is of the utmost importance at Eligon. Profiles are not available to the general public and are only seen by compatible, screened and validated Eligon members.
Compatibility
  • Our logic-based compatibility formula increases your likelihood of finding a match and avoids wasted time spent with those who are too dissimilar.
Comfort
  • Members enjoy an exclusive area that is tailored for comfort and luxuriously free from the eyesores of advertising.

Great! This sounds perfect, right? (No it doesn’t). There will be ample options available! (There will be no options). Am I typing this while double-fisting two low-calorie fudgesicles? (You bet I am!) So I’ll carry on live-blogging my first go-round with my eyes at monitor level and wrists in a carpal-tunnelled state of readiness. Eligon…show me whatchu got!

Here is my “About Me:”

“Why hello! I’m a 30 year old single gal residing in the east end of Toronto. I’ve recently become a home-owner and am mighty proud of it! I work right downtown in the children’s toy/entertainment industry; I also have my own styling/image consulting business on the side. I’m a carnivorous young lady who has yet to be swept off her feet. A steak dinner works wonders on a chick like me. While I may be young to some or not-so-young to others – the fact remains that I’m hopelessly optimistic there are decent men in this city who just don’t know I exist. So here I am – it’s your move :)”

Breezy, confident, showing some grown-woman actions, I’m hoping this site for professionals will not get as intimidated as the other sites I’ve tried. Here’s the catch – during the trial, you receive a certain amount of credits. Every time you click on someone’s profile to see more about them, you lose a credit. So they stress to make sure you’re not just browsing to browse; make each click count. Veddy, veddy smart, Eligon.  But looky here – Ari’s got a message! His name is Gary and his message is titled, “first law of attraction.”  I’m checking out his profile first so I don’t jump to any conclusions. At first glance, I would best describe him as being a lil bit “Lovely Bones” in nature. Here are some profile highlights:

About Him

“Driven and proactive. West coast personna. Social consciousness. Personnable by nature. Tie my left shoe first.”

West. Coast. Personna…seriously? Okay, first, that’s spelled wrong. Everything else is your prerogative. But the left shoe thing is borderline dealbreaker – compromise for the right shoe or no dice!

His Ideal Day Would Include

“Roll out of bed (next to my queen), put on my gym clothes, make a few bucks at the office, play a quick round, fireside dinner with my special someone, down a nightcap in some trendy yet unknown lounge, end it with a nice massage.”

Have you spotted a red flag yet? I mentioned I was a vet of online dating, didn’t I? 9 times out of 10 – ANY use of the word “queen” in a message instigated by the man is, no doubt, him wanting to engage me in a black girl fantasy. While most women would be loved to be thought of as royalty, trust me – this is not to be taken as a compliment. It’s what he deems acceptable because he’s read a lot of books. Maybe he’s that one exception…maybe.  More importantly, you can do ANYTHING on your ideal day and this is it?  Imagination/creativity is at it’s low and surprisingly, that’s more of a turn-off than anything else.

His Favourites Books & Movies Are

“I’m currently reading The Help- a story of a young white girl and 2 black maids in 1960’s Mississippi.”

I’ll leave this alone.

Alright – credit used. Thank goodness I didn’t waste it. *single blink*   Now to see his message to me (drumroll please):

“I’m thinking a nice bottle of cab sauv goes well with your filet mignon…”

At this moment, I’m gripping the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger and shutting down the site because my time I’ve spent here has already been far too long. I did mention steak in my description, his response is my own doing so I can’t fault him for innuendo. He could very well want to  “wine and zine” me – but in reading the rest of his profile I did not post here, he may as well said his P would go well with my V.  In regards to possible conclusions, just consider me someone who did not jump enough. The accuracy of which I can analyze a profile scares me sometimes but thank Jeebus I have this down to a science.  Good luck, King Gary…and godspeed.

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2 responses

  1. This is great!! HILARIOUS!! I am officially addicted to your blog and if i get fired from my job for wasting company time I blame YOU!!! A total of an hour and a half on your blog!!! I must say, every moment was enjoyable. I will be back to read the rest soon. Keep it up ABG!

    • I will fully accept the blame but I will not pay your bills so try your best…m’kay?

      Hahaha – me and my posts will be here so come back any and all the time. Honestly, thank you for the support – I didn’t expect all dat at all!

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