If you want me you can’t watch me…on your video phone

Mom, I suggest you stop reading here. There are some things in life you cannot un-see.

Please press play: 

Aight, you were warned. 3…..

2…..

1…..

P-E-E-N! Wonderful, wonderful peen! Ladies, have you noticed an influx of peen-centric photos coming to your cellular devices and email inboxes in recent years?  No pun intended. There’s an increased number of men wanting their junk out and into the world. If I was a vindictive chick I could’ve destroyed many lives but that’s simply not my style.  I am a lady who enjoys lady-things like lace gloves, white kittens in baskets……..and PEEN!

And then there’s Skype. In the 8 months I was on a POF hiatus, things have drastically changed in the online world. At first, it was exchanging email addresses. Then it moved to text messages or BBMs. I get if you’re in a relationship and you want FaceTime with your significant other, that’s a completely different animal. But now I get a “hey, wanna Skype” to “make sure you really are the girl in the photos.” REALLY?!  My photos are bathroom self-portraits, why the hell would I post those if I was trying to fool somebody.  Let’s just say, I fell for that line ONE TIME and was greeted by Little Jack Corn. NEVER AGAIN, MI SAY!  As I stated above for my mother (mom, you best not be reading this!!!), there are some things you just….can’t….un-see.  *single blink*

Ladies & gents, a word of warning – make sure you trust the guy/girl you’re sending your sausage and beans too. At the very least, don’t include your face. That’s a recipe for danger soup and I’m mad hungry.

P.S. Tomorrow begins my CAMPAIGN TO MEET DONALD GLOVER. He’s performing Saturday, March 24th and my goal is to meet him. Everything shall be explained in detail tomorrow and I will need ALL of your help. I’m serious, every friend will play a role so I hope you have some fun with this!

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