808s & Heartbreak

Please press play: 
**DISCLAIMER: If you’re honestly able to watch this video and not feel an emotion then you are the worst kind of Borg. This song/video rip my insides apart.**

February is coming to a close and what better way to end the month of love than with my ESSENTIAL PLAYLIST OF HEARTBREAK!

To give you a little back-up,  I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life, shocking I know! *single blink* It was THE roughest period of my life because I didn’t know who I was when that relationship ended. I lived for him. I was on Cloud 9 when he succeeded and suffered when he failed. I thought the only way to be a good girlfriend was to throw everything I was into his life because if he was happy, WE were happy. When it was finally over, I wasn’t gutted because I no longer had a boyfriend. No, no…we were the best of friends years prior to dating and knowing THAT was gone…whoooo boy, shattered everything I knew. Yes, I liked music before him but with him music was better.  I loved to eat before him, but eating with him was an adventure. I enjoyed to travel before him, but other countries and road trips were simply MORE with him. Yeah…it was that kind of love for me.

I use music in every situation of my life and I didn’t have a go-to collection of songs on an iPod to guide me through while I was in such bitter despair. I didn’t have a home anymore (he and I lived together) so my best friend and her family took me in without me even asking. This is the point when I stopped eating. I…….stopped eating. For those who don’t know, me not eating is like me….NOT EATING! I have always been a comfortable size 10 and I went down to a freakish size 0. Rest assured I wasn’t intentionally starving myself but I just didn’t have an appetite so I forgot to eat…every day…until I became a shadow. Once I got a side of beef into my trap a little over a month later, I vowed never to let anyone affect me to that point again. And that’s when my ESSENTIAL PLAYLIST OF HEARTBREAK was created and since then, with every spiral toward the darkness, I flip it on and go to town.

The key to my ESSENTIAL PLAYLIST OF HEARTBREAK is in choosing every song imaginable that will make me cry Niagara Falls from my eyeballs.  When my heart is torn out from potential relationships gone awry or opportunities in life that simply didn’t pan out; I don’t want to be consoled, I don’t want advice. I want to cry. I want to retreat from the world for a little while and cry heavy, juicy tears followed by thunderous, shoulder-bouncing sobs for as long as I can. The type of cries that get caught at the back of your throat because you are aggressively going at this like an Olympic event. I’m crying out the heartache, break and attack I feel I will suffer if I don’t do anything at all. I’m singing at the top of my lungs through tears and allowing the music to lift me up from the depths to which I fell. Dramatic? Of course! But do you expect anything less from me? I’m not suggesting this is the way for you or anyone to get over your specific burden, but this is what does it for me. I love every kind of music for a multitude of reasons and when it comes to heartbreak, I look for the lyrics. These people are saying everything I want to say…..perfectly. Within a day or two, the sun is shining a little brighter and the playlist is removed until I need to call upon it’s healing powers once more. So in no particular order, here is my ESSENTIAL PLAYLIST OF HEARTBREAK:

  1. “Ex-Factor” – Lauryn Hill – I had to start off strong, I told you this was the ESSENTIAL playlist.
  2. “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday” – Boyz II Men
  3. “Wheel” – John Mayer – the essential lyric is, “I believe that my life’s gonna see the love I give returned to me.” Damn.
  4. “Ain’t No Sunshine” – Bill Withers
  5. “Life’s What You Make It” – Talk Talk -I tend to pretend I’m the drummer in this video, he’s got swag.
  6. “Stardust” – Nat King Cole
  7. “Dirty Man” – Joss Stone
  8. “Cookie Jar” – Jack Johnson
  9. “Why’d You Lie” – Colin James – Be aware this video is the “sexy version.” I don’t know what that means.
  10. “In Repair” – John Mayer <–the first verse is me and my insomnia in song.
  11. “All Falls Down” – Kanye West ft. Syleena Johnson
  12. “That Day” – In-Flight Safety
  13. “Warning Sign” – Coldplay
  14. “I’m Not Supposed To Love You Anymore” – Bryan White
  15. “Blown Wide Open” – Big Wreck
  16. “Gone To Ground” – Stirling
  17. “You Don’t Love Me” – The Philosopher Kings
  18. “Soul Suckers” – Amos Lee
  19. “I Would Die For You” – Jann Arden
  20. “Petals” – Mariah Carey – I STRONGLY SUGGEST THIS BLOODY SONG. Good Lord! And when you know the story behind the song it hits you that much harder. 
  21. “Fugitive Motel” – Elbow
  22. “Optimistic” – Radiohead
  23. Stranger In Moscow” – Michael Jackson – One of my favourite videos of all time and also one of my favourite MJ songs.
  24. “Slow Dancing In A Burning Room” – John Mayer
Now that I’ve basically handed you my kryptonite, please don’t play these on a whim because my tear ducts will not disappoint you. I will cry real tears in your face. Thanks in advance! 🙂

3 responses

  1. Oh Girl, I know exactly that feeling when you put everything into a relationship and lose all perspective (not to mention independence). Your playlist is fantastic – it doesn’t mess around at all. Stardust is a beautiful song and it makes me sad because it reminds me of my estranged Dad. He loved Nat. Anyway, really touching post. x

  2. Music is such a good healer. Man. I remember when I was going through some major life drama and I would just hole up in my room and blare some serious power ballads and I would just cry and scream and cry. And then, I was stronger, and life was better, and I moved on.

    I love your playlist. Here’s hoping you never have to use it again.

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