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A little known fact about yours truly: I’ve dabbled, JUST A LITTLE BIT, in stalking. I’m not ashamed. And yes, my mother is aware.
I was forced, forced I tells ya, to watch a man in several commercials over the holidays. Shall we give him a nickname? Let’s go with Triple C for “Christmas Commercial Crush.” It was unbelievable how much work this dude was getting. Like CityPulse (or Darrin Rose), he was EVERYWHERE. When I saw his commercials, I’d tweet about them. This went on for weeks and I didn’t think anything of it. One day I received a reply from a stranger and his tweet gave me all the information I needed to plant the stalking seed in my brain and soul. My new “friend” let me know his name, confirmed his single status and encouraged me to go for it. WHAT ELSE DID I NEED? I was going to stalk Triple C!
I began tamely with a few tweets directly to my objet d’amour whenever his commercials aired. I would mention how talented he was, that he is exactly the type of guy I should know, how anyone who worked this much must be a stellar part of society. I also tweeted how lucky his co-stars were, how funny he must be in real-life and how cute he was. And then
in fear like magic, Triple C replied! Like a complete boss, I shamelessly flirted with my commercial crush. The world could see my crazy and I didn’t care. Eventually I suggested it would be in his everyone’s best interest to follow me so I could take my nonsense off the main Twitter timeline and into a more romantic and classy Direct Message string.
Let me just go on record and say, Triple C was simply humouring me. He was not interested. At all.
Several messages over weeks and weeks broke him down and he agreed to meet me for a drink. Resistance is and will forever be futile; I’d won. He said he was flattered since this never happened to him before. He was being modest and I didn’t believe him because every woman on earth has the same taste in men as I do. I know this for a fact. *single blink* We chatted into the wee hours and it was a lovely evening. I’d anticipated he would be everything I imagined him to be and he was that AND more. We said our ‘goodnights’ and we both separated knowing
MY our lives were changed for the better.
Stalking is not for everyone. It takes perseverance, a complete lack of self-control and a little help from your friends or Twitter strangers, in my situation. Though my days of stalking (online or otherwise) are over, here are some words of wisdom if you decide to embark on your own hot-boy/funny guy mission: make sure you have the cute to back it up. Thanks mom and dad for my genetics, it prevents police involvement 9 times out of 10.