The Final Countdown

A review…of a movie…from 2009…..  I have too much time on my hands.

TiMER (2009) – starring Emma Caulfield aka Anya motha-f*ckin’ Jenkins, the Vengeance Demon from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer!!!”  This is why the movie had to be seen. I love her and want to be her bestest best friend in the world!  I just digressed so hard, please read on.

In an alternate, present day Los Angeles, people get timers implanted in their wrists and it’s counting down to the moment you are supposed to meet your soulmate.  Here’s the deal: The timer (measuring years, months, days and seconds) will zero out.  Sometime during the next 24 hours, you will meet “the one.”  Once you lock eyes with him or her, the timer will beep and that’s how you know.  Simple enough, right? Oona (played by Caulfield) has a blank timer which means one of two things, her soulmate has died OR doesn’t have a timer implanted.  She’s almost 30 so obviously her life is over and this matters the most. *single blink*

This movie takes us through Oona’s ridiculous plan to date timer-less men she can convince to have this procedure.  She finally meets one dude without a timer who she really digs; hers remains blank.  Cue rom-com-plications! (See what I did there???!)

I won’t give you any spoilers in case this movie is of interest to you, but let’s really discuss this.  If this technology existed and you were single, would you invest in this product?  Think about it…  No more online profiles, matchmaking services or slumming it at a bar.  You would know the exact moment when you met the person you’re supposed to be with.  What if you hated the person standing in front of you once your timer beeped? On the flip-side, what if your timer remained blank forever? Would you only date men without a timer implant?  I mean, they’d probably leave you once it counted down to zero, right?  Imagine??!??!?!?!?!!?!

Straight cold-blooded.

Please press play: 


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