Caribbean Queen

Please press play: 

Hey…come a little closer, I’ve got a secret for you.  Just a liiiiiil bit closer.  You have to promise to keep this between you and me.  Pinky swear?  Okay…

MY WEST INDIAN BACKGROUND DOES NOT MAKE ME A TROPICAL JUNGLE ENCHANTRESS.   I do not sleep atop green, gold and red velvet throw pillows under a canopy of spun silk, nor do I have man-servants which I beckon with a snap of my gold-ringed fingers.  When I sashay from room-to-room, my hip movements are not accompanied by the soft beat of a bongo drum.  But make no mistake, I DO sashay.

I assumed I escaped this ridiculous stereotype when I ended my affair with online dating.  But no, a potentially innocent approach turned tragic in the blink of an eye.  I was asked where I was from (obviously my actual birthplace doesn’t matter because I’m black, you see. Only my background is relevant… *single blink*) and then he proceeded to “speak Jamaican” and ask me about “that ganja” and “sweet, reggae music.”  Still Jamaicanly-accented, he goes into the famine of my people, how he wouldn’t know what to do in a tiger attack, tribes and the jungle. WHAT?! Oh, I get it…Jamaica and the entire continent of Africa ARE THE SAME!

There are so many cons I feel I must list them:

  • Blatant disregard of my personal life details
  • Stereotypes in abundance
  • No basic geographical knowledge
  • The worst attempt at patois since I-don’t-know-when
  • His breath (did I forget to mention that?)
  • He’s cray-cray

Pros:

  • He made me laugh

So, I gave him my number* cuz beggars cannot be choosers…na’mean!  Do you think he’ll call???  Nothing like a morning at Starbucks.

*I did NOT give him my number!

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2 responses

  1. UPDATE: This situation occurred almost a month ago. Today (Jan. 10th) I decided to buy a cookie at Starbucks and guess who showed up. #facepalm

  2. Ongness, I almost passed out with laughter after reading this. I have experienced this same type of idiocy from non-black guys that wanna “take a walk on the wild side” & “try something exotic”…I kid you not, I have even been asked (during a moment of intimacy); if the rumors are true, that once he goes black, will he ever turn back? I turned, gave him a *single blink* and went home. I cannot handle that tomfoolery & sure as hell ain’t trying to be his interracial dating experiment. Wished you started blogging years ago, the world needs your outlook for a morning pick-me-up. Keep up the good work!!!!

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