If I Was Your Boyfriend

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Scene from “Pretty In Pink:”

Andie: “EEEEEEEEEEEE! It happened! He asked me.”

Dad: “And?”

Andie: “I accepted.”

Dad: “Well, congratulations. No more moping around the house waiting for the telephone to ring.”

Really, Andie? Just like that, Andie? Andie is a biznitch.

The scene above between Andie and her father has stuck with me since I first saw the movie. Why? Because I don’t understand how that happens…in real life. DO MEN EVER ASK LIKE THAT? Like, for real-for real??? Studies (a.k.a. my envious observations of friends during the years when dating/relationships became a thing) show they do.

I’m a turning-31-year-old lady and unlike the Caramilk secret (which I nailed!), I have no idea how boyfriends and girlfriends become boyfriends and girlfriends. I’ve read about it, I’ve watched it on the big and small screens, I’ve been there for my friends in and out of their relationships/committments/exclusivities/marriages and I still don’t understand it because I’ve never lived it.  As you know, I’ve had a boyfriend (one) in my lifetime. We decided this would be the next step while I folded his laundry on the floor of his apartment because we were feeling weird after kissing for the first time weeks prior and couldn’t really talk to each other like the best friends we were. Before the kiss. He eventually said, “So what are you thinking?” I said, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” And then he said, “I guess we should try it” but with an upward inflection at the end. Then we shook hands and I continued to fold his laundry and he continued to clean his room. That was it. Case in point, it’s different for every-damn-body.

I know there’s no formula. There are no written rules. That relationship ended more than 5 years ago and since then…nothing. I was seeing someone for 8 months and every day I thought, well…we’ve been seeing each other and only each other for this long, we’re obviously in a relationship. We don’t need to label it, this just is what it is and I feel so grown up. Chest up, pride pouring from my core. Then he turns around and says, “Yeah – this isn’t a relationship by the by.” WTF?! So then what are we doing? I thought I was being breezy. I thought I was going with the flow. It technically WAS a relationship of sorts, was it not? Explain yourself (arms folded, foot tapping)! Instead he drove away and I choked on the dust from his exhaust. That was that. Why would there be any emotion, in his mind, there was NO relationship.

Was I touched in the soft spot at a very young age? Do NOT tell me that it’s not happening for me because I really want it to. I’m surrounded by men and women who knew what they wanted and they went out and got it. I know people who didn’t want anything of the sort and it just rolled up on ‘em and now they have 2.5 kids and a cottage up north. I will never, ever believe that just because you want something means it’s not going to happen for you. How does that make sense? Everything I’ve ever achieved in life is due to my perseverance and focus on the prize. If I know I’m perfect for a job, will I not do whatever it takes to land that job? If I want to make a meal, will I not scour the land for all the pertinent ingredients and use all the tools I own to make the best dish I can?  So why would I not try? The last time I decided I’m just going to concentrate on me…three years went by. I wasn’t approached or asked out in 1,095 days.  Guys? Guys. GUYS! Come on, that’s ridiculous. I literally wasn’t even asked out for me to turn to the gentleman and say, “Thank you but no, I’m concentrating on me right now.”  I was just left alone. I’m not a game-player yet I’m being forced to play this game with zero instructions, a ripped board and no dice. HOW IS THIS FAIR?

Anyway, this post isn’t for any form of sympathy, obviously. This is me. I’m a big girl. This post is to legitimately ask, how the hell do people get in relationships?  ’Cuz dating someone I like and who likes me doesn’t seem to work. Nor does asking the man myself, so…………… *single blink*

follow me on twitter, let’s talk about it: @bettykiss

Ladylike

For some Friday flirty-fab-flirtatious-fun times,  I took this quiz from Her Campus to see what it said about my flirting style and what guys think of it.  You ready? Here are my results:

The Forward Flirt

You are the type of girl that will very obviously flirt with a guy anywhere, anytime, around anyone. You’re one to walk straight up to a guy and introduce yourself or give him a naughty compliment. You’ll never leave your guy wondering what is on your mind.

Being forward about your feelings is an admirable quality, but be sure you do so in an appropriate and timely matter. A quiet coffee shop is not the right place to loudly announce how sexy your guy’s butt looks in his new jeans. Show him a bit of your softer side and watch him melt.

I can make men melt?  But wait…  Since when?  So I hit the streets like I said I would and asked some fellas these questions:

Do you like when a woman approaches you first?  Is the aggressiveness a turn-off?  Should the first move be made by the man?

Once I assured these random gentlemen they weren’t in any stranger-danger, the results were unsurprising.  The majority of single men said they really liked when women approached them because it showed confidence and they found that hot.  One guy said it felt good to be wanted and what better way than having an attractive lady show interest in him.  These answers were pretty much the same as any woman I’d suspect – we want to feel wanted, we like men who can step up to the plate, blah blah blah – the same. What I found most interesting were some of the explanations for NOT approaching women first.

I met a couple of hesitant single men last week at a rock show. I told them I was writing a blog and received the obligatory, “Oh…just a blog,” and they were all about giving me the what-the-what of a single guy’s thought process.   Shy Guy McSweetface, or Guy #1, said he loves when a woman bridges the chat gap first.  His example: if he was riding an empty subway train and a beautiful girl was sitting solo, he would NOT make the first move.  And I quote, “I only approach girls in an atmosphere where they’d want to be approached.”  *single blink*  I don’t know if I speak for the majority of single gals so I’ll just speak for me… That is EXACTLY the right time to talk to me!!!  The type of conversations left up to the Night of the Roxbury-types at the bar/club (which is what he meant by the appropriate atmosphere) is so unbecoming I can’t even begin to tell you… So I won’t…  We want nice dudes to strike up conversation at the coffee shop, in the supermarket or on an almost-empty train when we’re daydreaming about nice dudes who never approach us while we’re RIDING AN EMPTY TRAIN.

Needless to say, this was news to them.  And THAT was news to me.  I know we (men & women) do not speak the same language at the best of times but the varied viewpoints from the select males I’ve spoken to have been shocking.

I’m pretty sure women will man-up and make the first move more often than ever before as we continue to evolve. But for the love of God and the testes you were blessed with; if you see a cute girl in your everyday, the-sun-is-out-and-dance-beats-are-long-forgotten life and you wish to know her better, just……say…..hello.  We’ll take it from there.  We gotchu.

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