Tag Archives: Channing Tatum

It’s In His Kiss

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I experienced a kiss a few weeks ago that damn near made me pass the f*ck out (to my friends reading this, SORRY for the repeater story but I mean, it was really, really good). It simply confirmed how important it is for the man I’m with to be a good kisser. While others enjoy nitty-gritty, hardcore, finger-bangin’ fun for foreplay – a man who knows how to kiss is what gets my panties Chubby Checkering (this was an unfortunate metaphor that sounds RIDICULOUSLY gross but I meant it to mean “in a twist” *single blink*). Makeouts are tops!

I’ve never kissed a girl, so I’m unsure if I’d even like it. But you know what I have done, kissed a man and that isht is addictive. I’ve had my share of lizard lips and Dana Carveys (guys who dart their tongues in and out in rapid succession and who have no visible lips, respectively). I’m not saying a man’s lips need to be huge and luscious (it doesn’t hurt though), but they have to know how to use them and the best know how to work with mine. Can I get an “amen?!”  He must know how to explore the upper and lower lip, keep his saliva and tongue use to a minimum. Oh yeah and face touching. OMG THE FACE TOUCHING!!!! He’s basically a master chef mixing the perfect sauce; he has all the ingredients but  always customizes the recipe to make it his own. SWOOOOOOOOOOON!

This led me to think of my 3 favourite kisses (in no particular order):

  1. Forehead Kiss – NOTHING gets me like the forehead kiss. There is something about a man’s hands on my face bowing my head just enough for him to plant one in the centre of my forehead. It is the most comforting feeling you can receive and I absolutely love it. It sounds like such a simple kiss to perform but I’ve received several that fall flat. They almost felt rehearsed, for lack of a better word. Maybe forehead kissing isn’t their thing but I dropped it into a conversation or it was in my online profile and they decide, “Yeah…yeah I’mma try that because I know she likes it.”  Fellas, don’t be whack. Do what you do. But to men who just do it naturally…I salute the HELL out of you. YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL.
  2. Eyes-Wide-Open Kiss – So here’s the thing: I am the worst when it comes to maintaining eye contact with a man I’m interested in (this will be a future post). The next time you’re with someone you actually care about and they are slowly itching toward your face; their eyes switching focus between your eyes and your parted lips…do NOT close your eyes! Just keep looking at them, because they are looking at you. Sometimes you feel the butterfly kisses (eyelashes against your skin) while this happens and that just ups the damn ante.  If you’ve never tried kissing the one you like/love/lust with your eyes open, I suggest you try it. Your nerves get turned up to 11.
  3. *NEW KISS ALERT* The Knuckle Kiss – WHAT?! Let me explain this to you because I feel like a naive little girl. I’ve been kissed on the hand, the palm, the arm. Those have all been well and good. BUT HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED ON THE KNUCKLES?! I wish ‘knuckle’ wasn’t such an unsexy word because it is one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. Ever. Tell your men I sent this request to them and thank me later.

Now tell me (in EXPLICIT deets) what/where your favourite kiss is!!! (and don’t give me your poonani or penis tip – I’m looking for originality, technique and creativity).

CHANNING TATUM KISSING UP ON THE LIPS!

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I’m Gonna Get Love-Drunk Off They Humps (NSFW)

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Happy 4th of July to my American readers and what an Independence Day it will be. Today’s Body Language Wednesday is dedicated to one thing, well two things technically: THE BAMPSY!

Whether you know me or you don’t, everyone in the WORLD was aware I saw “Magic Mike” on Saturday, June 30 of this 2012th year.  Next week, I will have a post dedicated to why I loved this movie (SPOILER ALERT: My love wasn’t just about the men stripping. *dramatic inhale*) But this post…this post right here…is to draw attention to the male backside, rear, buttocks, rump, behind, bottom and my personal favourite, THE BAMPSY!  Channing Tatum’s (or his body double’s) bampsy in plain view (see above), in swim trunks (he’s got those back dimples going on….daaaaaaaaaamn!) OR serving me on the dance floor; he’s reminded me I’ve been moving through this world with my head down.

Now”bampsy” isn’t a real word, it probs comes from some long line of West Indian wizards who decided this word is the one that should be used for eternity. I am not one to mess with history so…here we are.  Let’s see the difference between using “bum” and “bampsy” in a conversation.

SCENARIO:

ME: Wow, Brett Lawrie is SO angry and I never really paid any attention to how outstanding his bum is.
FRIEND: Outstanding? Why do you say that? Tell me more, friend.
ME: Well, it’s so high and luscious and round and squeezable and touchable and tangible (in my dreams) and made me remember why I’m thankful for working eyeballs.
FRIEND: Oh yes, I totally understand now that you’ve explained yourself with all of those adjectives. 

I’m sorry…are you watching this GIF? Are you REALLY watching it? The more angry he is, the more prominent it becomes. It’s like a bumrection!  It’s mesmerizing watching it in its natural habitat.

** VOICEOVER by Lord Richard Attenborough: “The bampsy has usually only been seen during this species mating season. But in recent years we have discovered the bampsy also presents itself during threats to its siblings and home. It is during these times of anger that the bampsy is not to be feared but studied…” **

*single blink*   OKAY, back to my point…

SAME SCENARIO:

ME: Brett Lawrie’s bampsy.
FRIEND: Word.

CONVERSATION DONE!

You see that?! See how that works? My friend. just. knew. A bampsy is a type of bum all on its own that can only be described as a bampsy. It’s its own noun AND adjective. To find a bampsy…on a man…who can move??? GOOD GOD! I nearly popped like a virgin balloon in the theatre. There are three very specific routines in the movie you must pay attention to, because Mike doesn’t just strip…he wants YOU to know why you’re climaxing in your seat. And he’ll tell you with his bampsy over and over and over again.

So please join me in saluting all the mens who walk just slow enough for my eyes to peruse the real estate of their tailbone balconies.

If you haven’t seen “Magic Mike” and you’ve completed a fresh load of delicates, please watch the GIFs below. If you’re on your last granny panty and you’ve already bathed, do not look. I promise you:

The quote of my weekend was: “This movie has RUINED everything…for everyone.”  And it has, in the best possible way. I am ready to terrorize a man. No more warnings.

follow me on Twitter: @Bettykiss