Please press play:
“Because somewhere between Jamaica and Nashville, I realized I lived my life…”
I had a conversation with a friend about another ‘potential’ who bit the dust. She asked: “Have you considered non-white guys?“
So this was me:
She didn’t say it to offend me, BECAUSE she knows me, she was legitimately asking if dating someone who wasn’t caucasian was even an option. It didn’t take me aback because HOW DARE SHE speak these words to me, it made me sad. Maybe the real reality is dating interracially is an unnecessary obstacle that can be avoided. But she used the term “non-white” which leaves a plethora of other races…so it got me thinking, “Is it just the black and white thing playing the villain in my movie?” The reality of this is…I DON’T THINK SO. I mean, it could be one of a vagillion factors, I guess? I can’t say I subscribe to it but I can’t rule it out either. She continued to point out I tend to focus on them (“them” being white males) and made a very good point that maybe the guy for me looks different than I expect. Yup, he could be short, bald and 52 years old – but he might still be a non-black. I mean, who is to say who the right guy for me is. I have many single friends - some who have types and others who don’t…but they’re still single. Can it all really come down to a race decision? I’ve met a lot of testicles that were attached to wastes of skin BUT I’ve also met some really good guys and for whatever reasons, things just didn’t go my way. Maybe because I didn’t sing it like Lenny….
But I digress…
A conversation concerning interracial relationships and me will never….EEEEEVER end. Why? Because it’s entirely too complicated in its simplicity. I explained to my friend (not that she doesn’t know this already) that I don’t care what “package” the man for me is in as long as he’s delivered on time. I’ll put my focus on whomever makes my innards flutter and that’s a combination of all that stuff we want to in a significant other. She has a certain type too and I remember trying to get her out of her comfort zone was like pulling teeth – I believe you like what you like. Your stomach flip-flops for whomever it flip-flops for…if the outside presentation isn’t as appealing as you’re used to, they might have to work a little harder for you to see all the goodness inside.
To people who grew up in a certain household, whose environment had little-to-zero diversity, who were bullied for being different, who just have a certain set of morals for themselves JUST because… ALL of this makes us the human beings we are right now. And as life goes on, we’ll find ourselves in a million other situations that reinforce or completely conflict with everything we’ve ever believed. I AM GETTING WAY TOO DEEP. So let me break this down how this works for me and only me so there is no mistake:
I love mens. All of them. I will say my preference is to date men outside of my race. It’s MY preference and mine alone. It is not an experiment – I don’t believe that if I’m able to check three ‘white guys’ off my “How To Date Caucasians…And Win!” Checklist that I’ll all of a sudden not get spit on when I’m taking the TTC. I find my dark skin hella sexy. I love seeing my fingers entangled with a paler hue. To me, that speaks volumes. I think it looks so powerful, especially in the world today. It’s a beautiful thing when those hands are connecting two people from (on the most part) very different backgrounds and yet were able to find each other and come together and care for each other despite the added pressure of race and how others view it. You don’t have to like it. I’m not asking you to. You don’t have to accept it either. But little things like that, well that makes me happy and my happiness is something I’m going to put on the top of my priority list for once. Listen,
- You like that guy because he keeps his hair shaved low.
- You enjoy a European man with dark features BUT light eyes.
- You like them tall.
- You like Latin men and their Volvere hips.
- You like men in uniform.
- This dude makes you laugh no matter what.
Does this mean I can’t find compatible qualities in a black man or a man that isn’t white – of course it doesn’t. The black gentlemen who have reached out to me are men I cannot relate to on several levels. Having the same coloured skin does not equal instant compatibility. If I meet ANY man from ANY ethnic or cultural background who makes my heart a-flutter…trust me, you’ll be the first to know.
Until then, maybe I just need to find my Reggae Cowboy. He obviously has all the answers. *single blink*
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